


You Put Your Arms Around Me and I'm Home

by upsteadheart



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29302206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/upsteadheart/pseuds/upsteadheart
Summary: A fix-it of sorts for 8x04 of CPD.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	You Put Your Arms Around Me and I'm Home

Warning: upstead cuteness, involves domestic abuse. If this is a touchy subject for you then I will advise you not to read it. Happy reading everyone!

——————-

Soon as the knock came at her door, Hailey didn’t need to check the peephole. She knew it was gonna be her boyfriend on the other side.

That was their thing. She had a heavy day, both personally and professionally. And Jay was gonna come by to check on her, no matter how many times she claimed to be ‘fine’.

“Hey.” She smiled, letting him step inside her place. That smile was different now. This was definitely not the first time she was greeting him at her front door, but that smile said so many unspoken things it didn’t before they got together.

“Hey.” Jay returned, crossing the threshold. “Beer?” Hailey looked at him and asked, as she closed the door.

She’d never admit it out loud, but she much preferred being in Jay’s company than being alone with her thoughts, especially on heavier days like today was.

“Yeah, sure.” Jay smiled, the two of them moving towards the kitchen. Hailey opened up the fridge and pulled out a second beer, leaving it on the counter top beside the one she’d just started.

“So, how’d it go?” Jay asked her, depositing his jacket on the back of the couch. The last they spoke, she was on her way out to head over to MED to check on her dad.

Knowing how much of a toll all of this had taken on her the last few days, he hoped he’d get a little more of an expanded answer than ‘it went well.’

“Uh…” Hailey trailed off, searching for her words. She even contemplated fibbing for a second, in an attempt to be done with the topic that much faster.

Tears immediately welled up in her eyes as she looked back at him. “I’m sorry, Jay…” She cried, immediately making worry wash over him.

This wasn’t her. Hailey Upton didn’t cry in front of anyone, let alone a guy. But something felt different with Jay. She didn’t feel the need to put on a brave face or wait till he was gone to let her façade crack.

“I just couldn’t do it…” A sob escaped her. “No, Hailey…” Jay stepped up to her and wrapped his arms around her back, their beers now totally ignored for the moment.

Jay took her by the hand, leading them over to the couch. He sat down against the arm, bringing his girlfriend down into his arms.

Hailey leaned against his chest, her arms around his neck and her head in the crook of it.

Hailey broke down in his arms, finally letting the floodgates fly open and release everything she’d kept in all day, that she fought back at the hospital and kept pressed down until he got here.

Finally being allowed for the first time in her life to feel something and have someone hold her while she did.

“But you did go.” Jay guessed. To which Hailey nodded her head in confirmation. “I just…” Another sob escaped her. “I saw him there. In the room… I haven’t seen him in… forever. But everything just came back in a single second… and I almost broke down right then and there.

The walls started closing in, my throat got real tight, tears I was pushin’ back were blurring my vision…” Hailey went on.

“You drove during a panic attack?” Jay worried all over again, as if she wasn’t currently safely locked in his arms. “Hails, one phone call and I would’ve been there to bring you home.” She shook her head.

“I didn’t wanna disappoint you.” Hailey cried, crushing his heart. “Baby no…” He dropped, squeezing her tighter, if it were possible.

He pressed a kiss against her crown, breathing in that intoxicating vanilla scent. “I didn’t mean to tell you what to do, Hails. And I’m so sorry I dumped what happened with my dad onto you. That wasn’t my place, that wasn’t fair or appropriate.

Your thing with your dad… that is so far from what my situation was with mine. And I know it’s not as simple as just walkin’ into a room and goin’ to see him.” Jay assured her.

“I… I can’t forgive him.” Hailey cried. “That’s okay…” Jay breathed calmly against her head, gently rocking her.

Another sob escaped the blonde. “I took one look into that room… saw him sitting there…” She tried, despite her choppy breathing.

“I was back in my childhood bedroom, door shut, hoping the chair would keep it closed. I just sat up against the bed, hands on my ears… Crying so hard I couldn’t hear anything around me and it just scared me more.” Hailey let it all out.

Jay rocked her slowly in his arms, holding her tight. “Shh… it’s okay….” He breathed into her hair.

That alone held the promise to make her crumble. Being safe for the first time in her life and truly letting go, allowing someone else to hold her up.

“Don’t ever leave me, Jay, please.” Hailey begged him, breaking his heart. “I’ll never survive losing you too.” She wailed.

Jay leaned his head against hers and felt his own eyes go damp. “I’m never leavin’ you, Hails. I promise you that.” He told her straight.

This poor shattered little girl disguised as his partner. Shaking like a leaf in his arms and finally letting go for the first in her life.

When she finally started to come down, Jay heard another sniffle against his neck. “I know my mom wants me to forgive him… But I can’t…” Hailey went on.

“Hails. What your dad did to you, and to your brothers, and to your mom… it’s unforgiveable. And nobody’s gonna blame you for not being able to forgive and forget what he put you through.

But did you ever think to forgive yourself?” Her head snapped up at that, looking at him with her stormy orbs, a couple of dry sobs coming up her throat.

He could tell by the look in her eye that Hailey didn’t have the feintest what he was talking about. Jay’s hand came up her sweater, rubbing her back in soft, slow circles, the way he’d learned she loved the first time she woke up in his arms.

Jay’s other hand reached out, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear.

“You’re a protector of the people. You face a victim, learn their story and make it your mission to bring them justice, and you don’t stop until you do.

Except for the one victim you never could.” Her head dropped again, getting now where he was going with this.

“That little girl inside of you that grew up afraid of her own shadow. Who walked on eggshells, afraid of something, anything she said or did setting off the monster inside of her father.” Her lip quivered as Jay went on, and he knew he was treading on sensitive territory.

If he pushed her too hard, he wasn’t sure what her reaction would be. Given the way she snapped at him yesterday when he pulled that stunt in interrogation and then brought up her father... This could end badly real fast.

But that look in her eye he kept seeing come up. The same one that appeared every time they crossed a victim with a case that hit too close to home for her.

Seeing her in so much pain… He couldn’t stand it.

“That little girl who didn’t have anybody to protect her, who had to put on a brave face everywhere she went and pretend like everything was fine.

Like you told me a year ago. You wished, and hoped and prayed somebody would come in there and just put him in his place.

And you’ve never forgiven yourself for not being able to do it, for not being able to stand up to him, and get him away from your mom and your brothers.” A long, slow tear ran down her cheek, making her eyes burn with those she hadn’t yet shed.

Jay’s hand ran through her hair, finally seeing that wall crack. “But you were a little kid, Hails. It wasn’t up to you to put down the monster.

You were the one who was supposed to be protected, and cared for. You gotta let go of this guilt, babe. It’s not on you.

Let that little girl be free. It’s time to forgive yourself, Hails.” The second he stopped, Hailey finally broke.

Two loud sobs came out of her, making her body convulse. Her sweater-covered hand came up to cover her mouth, tears now streaming down her now red cheeks.

Jay caught her as she fell in his arms. His hand around the back of her head, shielding her from the world. The other arm wrapped snuggly around her waist, holding her into him.

He didn’t dare say a single word more. And he didn’t need to either. This was all she needed.

Hailey lost control of her body. The more she cried, the harder it was to stop. But the more she cried, the more it also felt so good and so freeing.

Jay dropped his mouth to her crown, nuzzling his head against hers and letting her go as she needed.

“I’ve got you, Hails.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
